Ha! I lured you in! I’ve been trying to figure out how to do a not-completely-standard blogging award post for a while, and struck gold at the hookah lounge last night when J took a pee break. Behold, the most terrifying toilet in the world! (And then stick around for some very sincere appreciation of my fellow bloggers… you might see your name.)
So, this commode tried to attack J last night. It looked so harmless but then, as he zipped up and hit what he thought was the new-fangled button to flush the thing, he got a crotch shot of toilet water. He came back to our table with a shocked expression, holding his hands over his jeans and whispering, “Don’t laugh, but it really looks like I wet my pants.” (Spoiler alert: I laughed.) We eventually surmised that the super-powered stream is meant to VERY efficiently clean a dirty booty… but in my opinion, water pressure that can reach the opposite wall is more water pressure than I’ll ever need on my nether regions, thankyouverymuch. Seriously, watch this – it makes me laugh every time.
In other news, I’ve been living a lie since early 2013. It all started when Sarah tagged me in “Old School Blogging: Lists of Five.” I promised her I’d honor my 8-year-old self and forward the chain post – and yet, I didn’t. Now I’m convinced a toilet attacked my husband because I’m cursed for breaking the chain. And I have committed even more grievous sins: I’ve been quietly adding blog awards to my footer without writing posts about them. Last week, I was gifted another award by my vivacious friend Kim, and realized it was a sign from the universe (Kim = the universe, duh) to make good on officially accepting and passing on all the pretty badges I’ve been hording. Because who doesn’t like a little bling on their blog? And more to the point, who doesn’t enjoy some quality community building?! (If you’re dubious about awards – I know, I know – go read my mermaid-friend Dawn’s post “Much Appreciated,” which made me entirely re-think how I feel about them.) Now, on to the bling!
Sarah and Morgan gave me my first awards. Like a good Blogland citizen, I accepted them with full-length posts. (And I was thrilled! Somebody – better yet, two cool somebodies – knew I existed!) But then I started slipping, so what you see here is the long list of neglected awards from that time on that I’m now combining into one massive love fest. MORE LOVE THAN YOU WANTED.
Because I’m also an only-slightly-reformed rule beaker, I’m going to share the rules for each award in case my nominees want to be on the up-and-up, but as for me, I am going to make the following changes: I will only nominate three people for each award. I’m not going to share any random facts about myself. (Believe me, I’m doing y’all a solid) Finally, instead of writing a bunch of new interview questions for people, I’ll leave it to all of you to craft your own amusing acceptance speeches. Here goes!
The Versatile Blogger Award – May 17, 2013 – given by Yanniesaurus from The Spinky Kitten
Rules: Thank and link back to your nominator. Share seven random facts about yourself, then nominate 15 more bloggers for the award. Let them know!
Yannie, thank you for always being so darn enthusiastic! You also have a spitfire grandmother, and I like that about you.
1. Mark from Exile on Pain Street – Your comments complete me. I swear you’re half Leonard Cohen, half John Stewart… believe me, that’s about the highest praise I can give.
2. Wakinyan from Blood and Thunder – I love reading your words. You are so smart, so strong, and so real.
3. Denise from The Mercenary Researcher – You feel like a true friend, Rutabaga! Whenever we cross paths, I just want to meet up in a coffee shop and talk for hours.
Rules: Thank and link back to your nominator. Answer their 11 questions for you, list 11 random facts about yourself, then create 11 new questions for your own batch of 11 nominees (who should have fewer than 200 followers). Let them know! What is this, the GRE?
Jordan, a very belated thank you for this award! You were one of the first bloggers I found when I got here. I adore your blunt honesty, your inspirational posts, and your support of Miley Cyrus. (I heart her, too.)
Thank you as well, Marie, for sharing this with me! I think I’ve run out of ways to say how much I appreciate your take on life, so I’ll just include a quote from one of my favorite posts of yours: “The sun was out in force too, warming my living room through two large windows. A set of laundry danced on the washing line, toes dipping in sun spots, drying effortlessly.”
1. J.J. from All We Are Saying Is – J.J., you are older and (just let me say it) wiser than a good deal of the people here on WordPress. I’m so glad you put up with the rest of us, because I love having you in my community – I can never get enough flower-power support from good men. Indeed, you “make the ladies happy.” 🙂
2. Tim from Flying Here in the Middle of Somewhere – Fellow Southerner! You always make me smile, and that is more than enough reason to share you with others.
3. Ashley (aka Brian) from No, YOU Go Outside. – Dude, you are smart. Smart and self-deprecating and funny and insightful. My only complaint is that I wish you wrote more, so I could devour it!
Rules: Thank and link back to your nominator. Write 10 fun facts about yourself, then pass the award to 10 others. Let them know!
Danielle – Your site is up but your blog is down, so you might never read this. Still, you were the only fashion blogger I ever truly enjoyed reading – you made me see that clothes are so much more than fabric.
As for you, Kim (aka the universe), you have become such a wonderful part of my community here. From our first conversations to you guest posting during my week on body image, I enjoy and appreciate your words and your spirit. Thanks for thinking of me!
1. Kelly from Excitement on the Side – Kellyyyyyy!!! You get me so amped up. I admire your soul, grin at your fire and courage, and love how you make me laugh. More, please!
2. Brenda from Burns The Fire – I think you are the single best nonfiction storyteller I know. Given how much stories mean to me, you are something of an idol. (You’re also an idol because I tend to idolize people who are simply salt of the earth, and full of beauty.)
3. Paul from Message in a Bottle – I know we only “met” recently, but I’m so glad whenever I see your name. Your words are always thoughtful, frequently touching, and sometimes are just indefinably more. I’m excited to dive into your second blog!
Rules: Thank and link back to your nominator. In turn, nominate 10 additional bloggers. Let them know!
Dear Cassandra, the one and only: I am still in awe of that yoga pose you’re holding in your header photo. You wrote every day for a year. You quote Pablo Neruda. You are a shining star. Thanks for sending this my way!
Magpie! I am so appreciative of your friendship, first, and also that you extended this happy award to me. There’s no one I’d rather have using the term “family” with me in mind. And, since your daughter is best friends with Emily, and Emily is the first blogger I met in person, you and I are pretty much cousins twice removed. 😉
1. AngrySoAngry – This is my husband J’s blog. He is my only literal family on WordPress. He’s brand new, and you should check out his funny image posts (he is the dark to my light; the cynic to my idealist… he’s also much sweeter than he lets on). I especially recommend this one: “Einstein the Playa.”
2. Tracy Fulks from The Monkey’s Off My Back But The Circus Is Still In Town – Tracy is probably way too cool to accept this award. Still, Tracy, your writing floors me every time. I fell for you over this piece about the All Good Festival, and I quote: “No one seemed to know exactly where the Glamping section was, apparently it was as elusive as a clitoris in a 1970′s Puerto Rican bush.” I should add… in light of recent events, you’re absolutely part of my chosen WordPress family.
3. Katie from The Pursuit of Paulson – Katie! Since I knew you in person before I found you online, I’m adding you to my WordPress “family!” It only seems fitting, since we are both volunteers, communicators, runners, rockers of short hair, and fabulously fun brides. (I think I just did a little accidental humble-bragging, but the kudos all go to you. I’ve still got your story about getting lost on that early morning run stuck in my head.)
The Imagine Award – December 14, 2013 – given by Kat of Me: Finding the Missing Pieces
Rules: Thank and link back to your nominator. Post three reasons you think their blog is creative, add 10 facts about yourself, then nominate 10 more people. Let them know!
Thank you Kat, for this award! You might not have known, but unicorns are tied with mermaids for my favorite mythical creature, so I was pretty stoked to have a valid reason to post one on my blog! Here are three things I think are creative about your site: I love your avatar – that is one striking image. I really enjoy that your tag cloud forms a rainbow. Most of all, I think it is creative of you to use a blog as an outlet for the kind of life issues you are dealing with. Kudos for creating an online community to help you work through raising teenagers and maintaining your own mental health!
1. Stef from Smile, Kiddo – I think it’s creative to challenge your own life to be more by accepting a glove tossed by a green bean… and even more admirable to be the kind of person who deeply values and can recognize the little moments when life, unasked, just fills you up with goodness.
2. Ken from The Weltschmerz Collection – Collaborating with you on recording for Cyanide and Cherries – a collection of spoken word poetry set to original music, for the uninitiated – was one of the most creative things I did last year. Thank you so much for being so full of creative spark that you can share it with the rest of us!
3. Deonna from Deonna Kelli Sayed – I am in awe of your audio recordings. Your rich voice brings even more life to the human landscapes created by your written words.
The All the Pretty Bras Award – April 24, 2013 – given by Helena from Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante
Rules: This one is my favorite, you guys. BAR NONE. It was created by the beloved dark-n-stormy stand-up comic Helena, who had this to say: “It’s awarded to the best-supporting bloggers. (Get it?) I’m not really going to hand it out, but if you want to run with this, be my guest. It’s really just a nice collection of bras. Give it to someone who lifts your spirits and separates you from the doldrums.” So! The rules are to pass it along to three bloggers who support you online and in “real life” (as if there were a difference). That’s it!
Side note to Helena (skip this if unbridled adoration makes you nauseous): My darling, you are my longest term online friend, and the first blogger who ever broke the fourth wall and emailed me. I would never want to imagine WordPress without you and your deliciously dark tales, and I’m so proud that you published a f*&ck%g BOOK! (More on that next Friday – Tip of My Tongue will be celebrating V-Day Helena-style!)
1. Samara from A Buick in the Land of Lexus – Oh, my love. I want the whole world to read you, because there you are with your insightful, brave, poetic blog, just waiting with open arms to love them all back. My favorite thing about you is that you don’t accept bullshit, so those whom you support, you are truly there for, and what you say, you really mean. That makes for fantastic reading and even better friendship.
2. Hannah from Vers Les Etoiles – Hannah, reading your fiction has given me some of my most enjoyable moments online – the ones where I forgot I was on a lunch break at work, and instead found myself fighting, loving, hurting, overcoming… your words are magic, and your craft is enchanting.
3. Lizzy from Big Body Beautiful – Hey, sister-friend! I don’t even remember how we met, because it doesn’t even matter anymore. We’ve shared guest posts, you’ve freed me to love myself better, and I think I’ve even made you laugh a time or two. 🙂 I think everyone could get so much from reading your unabashed musings on appreciating and fostering awesomeness.
4. (I’m adding an extra person here, because it highly amuses me): John from The Superstitious Naked Ape – John, I admit… part of me just wanted to imagine your face upon receiving the “All the Pretty Bras” award. (I in no way expect you to post this on your page!) What I did want to do – beyond the mischief – was recognize you for making me think, but always with a sense of humor and of profound kindness.
Also – because I don’t have a blog roll – I do want to send big ups to the bloggers who make my inner goddess do a high jump every time I see their names in my Reader. Guys… you are all large enough already that I don’t think you need links from award posts to get new traffic, but here’s hoping I send you some, anyway! See: Aussa for sass, Rara for heart, Jen for a belly laugh, Emily for practical magic, Julie for smarts, Terri and James for travel stories, David for glorious weirdness, Anne for the best kind of feminism, Celi for farming tales, Andra for soulful humor, Oloriel for poetry, Daile for cool-cat-lady love, and Rebecca for rainbow-colored mothering.
And to everyone else, who I just don’t have the space to do justice to, thank you more than I can express for reading and commenting here (always and especially for commenting). Now – having hopefully introduced you to more amazing new bloggers than you can absorb in one day, I’ll leave you with this: