Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Jennie (By The Hook)

The Hook knew I needed a little cheering up, so he composed this “present” for me. Señor Hookey’s words in black; my replies in livid orange!

P.S. This guy wrote a BOOK! You should read it.

Greetings, Tipsters! (OK, that’s adorable, I’m stealing it and wish I’d thought of it first.)

Your pal The Hook here, to brighten your day with my patent-pending brand of controlled chaos.

I’ve been on a roll lately in my new role as the WordPress Whistleblower (Alliteration rules, doesn’t it?), and so I’ve decided my next victim/subject should be someone I deeply admire and respect.

But enough of this sappy stuff, let the revelations begin!

(“GSP” would be Georges St-Pierre for those of you who – like me – aren’t as dorky as our friend The Hook.)

1)  Jennie doubled as GSP’s stunt coordinator and hair stylist on the set of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. In her own words: “For a so-called ‘champion’, he was a real pansy.”

I like pansies. Also, taking care of GSP’s millimeter of hair would still require all my grooming talents: I’m a wash-and-go kind of girl.

2)  The real reason for her blogging hiatus and home renovations? An epic par-TAY that laid waste to her home, the block, and the greater metropolitan area. “I have seen the face of death,” was how one veteran first responder described the scene.

OK, so this one is true.

3)  So great is Jennie’s legend that a cult fan club has been created to carry out her agenda of world domination and rise to stardom. I’d wish I could say more but, as it stands, I have to sever a pinkie for revealing this group’s existence.

Yes, Virginia, there is a secret group… and here’s a sneak peek!

sister

4)  Young Jennie once published a cook book for divorced dads that consisted of five hundred recipes for scrambled eggs and hot dogs cut into little pieces and served with ketchup. Unfortunately she erred when she titled the book Cooking For Impotent Losers.

My once-divorced dad taught me to make dinosaur-shaped pancakes – a vital life skill! And he was potent enough to produce me, which took some doing because I emerged fully formed from his skull like Athena. In summary, the cook book title was a misprint. It should have read: Hot Dogs Are The Best, Maybe Add Some Mac and Cheese, and Chin Up You Wonderful Man!

5)  To quote her directly: “I’m not a good singer. I sing anyway.” The truth is, Jennie’s voice has been weaponized as the first line of defense in the event the world’s stray cat population revolts.

Works for me! Cats are not my friends (except when it comes to Daile’s Bixby). Beyond that, this sums up my feelings on pets:

6)  Jennie was the first person to ever be deported from Mexico.

Weeelllll… when I worked there, I did get get paid under the table. Through a complete stranger’s bank account. I also may or may not have lied to the fine people at the embassy about my visa getting stolen. I might or might not have actually thrown it away because the exit date didn’t give me enough time to visit Cancun.

7)  Much like the main character in The Picture of Dorian Gray, Jennie has found a way to subvert the aging process. In her case, her blog decays rather than her portrait…

(Too much?)

So it follows that this post, being the most recent, is the worst one yet? High five, co-author!

8)  Jennie is a wonderful, loving, even-tempered soul… on the surface. Cross her, however, and before you know it you’ll be begging for the sweet release of death. It’s rumored that Eli Roth followed Jennie around for a year before filming Hostel.

I am well-versed in the ancient torture of tickling. J flinches if I even approach his armpits!

9)  Vivid Video has been courting Jennie for years in the hopes she will finally agree to star in Tip of my Tongue: The Movie.

I’m not going to Google that name, but V.V. sounds like a classy, upstanding company! Nonetheless, my acting days began as a background peasant girl in Jack and the Beanstalk: The Community Theater Edition, and they ended in college when I made a class extra credit project about going on blind dates with three different Greek gods. (Spoiler alert: Hades will slip you a pomegranate-flavored roofie in a heartbeat.)

10)  This “gift” from yours truly has inspired Jennie to rethink her coda, which reads: “I think life and people are good at the core. When they seem otherwise, they’re still worth it.”

You’re not as bad as you think you are, Hookie… in fact, this image seems about right for your level of depravity:

And that’s all I have for you now, folks. To say any more would be to court death. Talk to you soon – though probably not on Jennie’s site…

…because it will soon have decayed past the point of being legible.

_____________________________________

Oh, P.S. – I should mention I’ve played a similar game with The Hook before, on 5×5!

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43 responses to “Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Jennie (By The Hook)

    • ZING! It’s a latte! It’s a red eye! No, it’s JENNIE!

      You really do cater to my ego entirely too much. (This one was all The Hook’s doing, though.)

    • I so love you! I’ve been watching some of your sister’s makeup videos, by the way… amazing. Is there anyone in your family who isn’t both beautiful and insanely talented?

      • Aww you watched Cilla’s videos? So fun! She says “Thank you so much!”

        Oh gosh. I wouldn’t dare to say, but you’re truly humbling me with your words. ❤

  1. Is there some sort of application process for this cult fan club? And do we need to have been deported from some country in order to qualify?

  2. “I’ve decided my next victim/subject should be someone I deeply admire and respect.”

    Are you implying that you don’t admire or respect me, Hook? I’m hurt.

  3. Mad love for a Dorian Gray reference!

    Jennie is awesome, even though I have only “discovered” her recently.

    WordPress whistleblower? So that’s your motive? Now it all makes sense…

    • I’m always happy to be discovered by people as friendly as you!

      The Hook, meanwhile… he’s just trouble. That whole thing about rebelling against the proper use of UBSs is worrying.

  4. haha I loved this! You lucky girl, having TWO dates with The Hook. (insert pouty face). Well, you deserve it. You’re one in a million and I adore you. (and yeah, Hook is nuttin’ but trouble!)
    #sisterwife

    • I’m going to get tattoo for every time we collaborate. Something like the lines scratched on concrete in prison to count the days?

      I jest. (But you knew that already.) And I heart you back – you are *so) much fun to know!

  5. So let me see if I have this straight, Jennie: You coordinated all of GSP’s hair stunts? That IS impressive. Well done. Can’t wait to see what you can come up with for the next Avengers movie: “A2: Follicle Force.”

    • Yes, you have the absolute correct understanding of my work life. It ain’t easy being this awesome.

      Also, my dad’s nickname for years was “Fred Follicles.” Worst nickname I’ve ever heard. He does have really good hair, though.

    • Paul! Your avatar is giving me deja vu… we’ve met somewhere else before, on some other excellent person’s site… anyway, it’s good to see you again!

  6. Ok. I just lost it…first person to be departed from Mexico. A badass indeed. You two are adorable.
    And I am SO curious about Sisterwives… Throw a sisterwife a bone.

    • It’s coming, it’s coming! But I can’t say anything yet or I’d betray a very influential sisterhood. (We will be expanding, though, once things are up and running… so a polygamous marriage may be in your future!) 🙂

  7. First of all, I’m pretty sure your acting in Jack and the Beanstalk far surpasses the skill required to become one of the Vivid girls (and it’s totally irrelevant how I know this). Secondly, you made me snort. Finally, who is this Hook and why do I live under a rock?

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