The List of Five

Every Wednesday, my friends from college and I share a “Happy Hump Day!” email. We always select a topic, and the chains can get pretty long. We’ve debated things from how we’d build a new society on a desert island to what the ending of Game of Thrones is going to look like, and this week we delved into something truly profound: our personal Lists of Five. A definition for the uninitiated:

A list of five celebrities who, should the opportunity arise, you’re allowed to sleep with without your significant other considering it cheating. Also known as a “freebie list.”

First, my list (nomnomnom):

1. Pedro Pascal (Prince Oberyn from Game of Thrones)

2. Jon Stewart. (In a heartbeat!)

3. Tom Hiddleston (Loki from Thor)

4. Javier Bardem (I’m thinking of him in Vicky Cristina Barcelona – we’ll conveniently forget that creepy role in Skyfall. And in No Country for Old Men. *shudder*)
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5. Danny Trejo
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OK, just kidding. I’d actually like to round off my list with Pink and her co-star in the music video for “Try” – but only if I can have them both at once! Seriously, watch this video. It’s 100x sexier than that other kind of video you look for on the internet.
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So, when I sent this list out to my friends, here’s the response I got from my friend Adam:
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Jennie, I don’t even know what to say about yours. You feeling OK? Did your Lasik surgery come undone and make your eyeballs deflate?
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Ummm… first of all, have you SEEN these photos?!
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But second, after reading the lists of several dudes and chicas in my circle, I’m sensing that the two sexes choose our lists based on totally different criteria. Mine are all beautiful people, but they’re also people I think are brilliant, or would be crazy amounts of fun, or have amazing accents and speak other languages. They can dance, they’ve got a soulful element, and/or they’re feminists. (Feminist men? Oh excuse me, my panties just melted.)
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I think the truth is that I can’t picture “being” with someone (y’know, in the Biblical sense) without being seduced by their mind and heart as much as their cheekbones. I don’t mean falling in love with them – the List of Five is not about love, just good old-fashioned lust – but I’ve never been able to lust after someone who didn’t have enough spirit and smarts and humor to make me feel like they were worthy of my time. Does that sound arrogant? I think I’m OK with that.
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As for the dudes, they were picking based solely on physical traits. They definitely had types, and those covered a huge range of ages, sizes, and races, which made me smile. But some of the women they picked seem… let’s go with “vapid.” When I called them on it, they owned right up to it, and told me they are not thinking about personality when they play this game.
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I’m the last person to suggest men don’t have depth, or that plenty of women wouldn’t crawl right on top of the Sexy Actor of the WeekTM just to ride him like a merry-go-round pony. But I am thinking there’s a trend: Ladies want to be beguiled, and guys just want a pretty present waiting on the bed (or in the shower, or by the kitchen table)…
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So what about you? Who are your five? And – this is what IΒ Β really want to know – why did they make the cut?
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P.S. My list would absolutely include Leonard Cohen if he were just, oh, about 50 years younger. And my list would consist solely of Gerard Butler’s name five times in a row, if I could only hop in a time machine and find him exactly as he looked on the set of Phantom of the Opera. I mean it! Look at him. We could definitely make some “music of the night.”
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59 responses to “The List of Five

  1. I like all of your five!

    I would have to think about it… Probably David Tennant, Henry Rollins, Lee Pace, Mark Ruffalo and Tom Hardy.

    Plus the five you listed, of course. πŸ™‚

    • I had to Google two of them, and then an epiphany: Lee Pace is the guy from Pushing Daisies! I adored that show, and he has the *best* smile. He and David Tennant very slightly resemble one another, don’t you think?

  2. Giiirrrllll! I feel you on this one. I’m attracted to smart funny men; men who have good taste in music and are well read.

    HOWEVER.

    I get the whole “vapid” thing. There is something to be said for a good dumb f*ck. (I asterisked it, to be classy for you.)

    Let’s put Josh Hutcherson (Peeta) on the list. Yes, he’s 21 years old. But it’s only creepy if I tell you I liked him since “Firehouse Dog,” when he was 15.

    • You’re classier than a school for of students, Samara!

      This is hilarious to me because J also added a long disclaimer to his list, saying they were all 18 (even if just barely) at the time of selection for the list. He skews towards Disney-produced pop stars, which cracks me up because, well, that’s so not me. But, like you said… lust and love are two very different things.

  3. Leonard Cohen, yes. My husband is a lot younger but looks a lot like him, especially when he wears a certain black fedora! And, my M is definitely smart and funny – I was so attracted to those qualities in him that I at first almost didn’t register what he looked like. πŸ™‚

  4. Nice list, for the ones that I know! A soulful element indeed. I totally get what you’re saying. Women are just wired differently than men. I think men are just more visual not that women can’t have their moments. I currently do not have a list!

    • The list is not to be taken seriously, but it sure makes good dinner party conversation! I think it tells you a lot about a person, sort of like the question where you have to identify which actor would play you in the hypothetical movie of your life.

  5. Jennifer Anniston – because well, she’s freakin’ Jennifer Anniston.
    Sandra Bullock – no idea why, she just seems so normal and nice.
    Kaley Cuoco – to say I like her body would be to say I just ‘like’ a Big Mac. It’s amazing.
    Monica Lewinsky – just to be able to say I got farther than a President.
    Chloe Bennett – her ethnic background gives her a unique look that made her a new appearance on the list. She kicked off Jennifer Lawrence, who would have probably been far too annoying anyway.

    Shallow – it is I.

    • Jennifer Lawrence would have been on my list if Pink hadn’t made that exact music video. I don’t think we’d even get down and dirty… we’d just laugh and watch stupid TV and dance and generally be awesome together.

      The Monica comment made me spit-laugh.

  6. OMG I love BANG lists. They just tell you so much about a person. I shamefully made my own Lindsay Lohan Bang list earlier this month and posted it to mixed results….

    Javier Bardem gets me going too, girl, so good. And I quite like Jon Stewart’s grey hair – YUM. Obviously, I cannot even form coherent sentences while discussing them.

    Furthermore, I love this email chain thing you have going. That would certainly help make hump day that much better. *Stealing this idea and emailing my girlfriends the idea now* So fun πŸ™‚

  7. I always liked P!nk but then I saw that video and fell in love. When I think of how badass strong and fit I’d like to be some day, it’s her I have in my head.

    • Yes. It’s amazing what the human body *can* do versus what most of us use it for. And I’m a huge fan of hers for not going after the willowy starlet look, but pushing through to being so muscular and powerful!

    • This is definitely not what I would have guessed for you! I would have pictured some folk singer… Bonnie Raitt, maybe. I love that you went with J.Lo!

  8. There’s a picture the woman I’d go for, not just 5 times, but every. single time at the bottom of my last post Jennie…sometimes you win, ya know? I know J knows.

  9. “I’d actually like to round off my list with Pink and her co-star in the music video for β€œTry” – but only if I can have them both at once!”
    Wow… that’s hot, Jennie.
    I’m bummed I didn’t make the list though…

  10. First of all. If you want to talk of inseparable duos…Girl Interrupted – Angelina Jolie and Winona Ryder. Do I really need to explain that one?

    Second. If it’s gonna be a man, it has to be a REAL man… Joe Manganiello, True Blood.

    Damn. That only leaves two more. Eliza Dushku (Faith in Buffy) and Salma Hayek. Because the combination of strong women + foreign accents, names and features is lethal.

    • No, no you do not! They were all long limbs and huge eyes and mystery. *sigh*

      I had to Google the True Blood guy, and I’m having PTSD flashbacks to Magic Mike. πŸ˜‰

      And so much yes to Eliza. I just finished watching Dollhouse, and I’m amazed by how beautiful her every expression and movement is.

        • Dooooo it! Do you know the premise? Humans are turned into blank slates, personality-wise, and then imprinted with new personalities to meet the whims of the wealthy who “rent” them out for all sorts of different reasons (yes, most of them revolve around sex, but they also hire assassins, personal investigators, etc.).

          Watching her play around 20 different characters over 2 seasons is a treat. πŸ™‚

  11. The first time I read this (yes, I like to come back to these kind of posts), I couldn’t make myself watch the Pink video because my cardio core instructor plays that song during power crunches, so I kind of sort of hate it…except for when I watch that video. Now I’m going to envision Pink and how friggin strong she is next time I hear that song. I want to be able to balance a muscled hottie on my thigh, too. And yes to both of them. Yummm!!!

    My husband and I have a long going joke that my list has about 924 names, and his only has one. I think he recently added Daenarys Mother of Dragons to his list though. She might be on mine, too. So without further ado, I’ll give you my top pics:

    Adrian Grenier: not only because he’s beautiful, and by beautiful, I mean I want to wrap myself in everything that is him, particularly his stubble…hold on..I need a minute. He’s also a philanthropist, an environmentalist, an advocate, a music producer, and he’s just brilliant. I forgive him for taking endless selfies and posting them to Instagram because I almost feel like he takes them specifically for me…I may need an intervention.

    A few more of my favorites: Jason Bateman, Peter Dinklage, Kit Harrington, Benicio Del Toro, I could go on and on…

    And you’re welcome for the longest comment ever. Sorry, SW.

    • I know your pain! My cardio dance teacher makes us do squats and hold them during the entire chorus of Lorde’s “Royals” and now that song is dead to me.

      Also, I love long comments! Also-also, your obsession with A.G. is just adorable. Especially the selfie thing. But if you ever do meet him, I recommend not copping to your desire for a stubble-slanket. πŸ˜‰

  12. My list has one person on it, and I’m married to him.

    I definitely enjoy the odd flight of fancy, or just a giggle about these things, as much as anyone. But when it comes down to it – the nuts and bolts and the imagining of someone else rightthere in front of me ready to….no. No thanks.

    Because I don’t think I could ever just ‘bang’ anyone. It would need to be meaningful and it would need to take the whole person into account, not just what they look like. And at that point the thinking goes too far away from objectifying hotties into thinking about what they’re like as people, and who they know, and what things they respect or think about, and then I know they aren’t right for me, and Husby is.

    So…most prudey comment? Most vilely saccharine? Most unexpected? *shrugs* It is what it is. And I guess I’m pretty straightlaced in the end.

    • I don’t find this comment to be anything but wonderful. I’m happy for you, and for anybody who is that sure about their partner (I am too, and it’s blissful).

      I like this game because it’s great fun with friends after a few cocktails… I think it feels safe because it’s never, ever gonna happen. I would never play this game using people we actually know instead of celebrities. Eep!

      • Oh I’m not always sure. I’ve been to dark places with this marriage. But I know for absolutely certain that if I’m not sure with him , then I will be even less sure with anyone else, if that makes sense. I’m glad you feel the same way though (and I am assuming here that we all go through ‘wavery’ stages).

        Yes – perhaps. Though in the same way (though to a FAR lesser extent) that the Walmartians site and shares piss me off and upset me, so too does this game. It reduces people too much, even if they are celebrities and are essentially doing a lot of the ‘reducing’ to themselves.

        I am really NOT hooked into celebrity culture at all, partly for this reason – I was for a LONG time and it grew a lot of destructive thinking in me.

        • That’s my safe place when things get rocky – if not with him, then not with anyone. There’s an incredible amount of power in that statement. It’s freeing.

  13. There are so many reasons I love you, Jennie Saia, but Pedro Pascal is just sweet, sweet icing on THAT cake. My list has always included Johnny Depp (from way back!) and Robert Downey, Jr…. Paul Newman, particularly around his Cool Hand Luke days. I was surprised by our Gerard Butler addition, until I saw that photo… wow. As for Pink and her video partner… ahem. Seriously.

    • No fair! I think writing the list implies irrefutable dibs privileges!!!

      Also, I’ve since heard of an even better game… you pick your List of Five based on literary characters instead of real people. *dreamy sigh*

      • HI YES CAN WE PLAY!?

        I did my (ever evolving) list of five a few months ago with my friends and there were some surprising similarities to all my men.

        I liked the point you made about choosing yours for more than just their pretty…faces. I think I’d need multiple lists in that case though…

        • J has five lists. It’s ridiculous (and also weirdly impressive). He has the celebrity five, the fictional five, two I forget, and then the five “greatest hits.” That’s his list if he could go back in time to meet certain senior-citizen actresses when they were “in their prime.” Ha!

          • I LOVE that. I’m going to steal all of those for the next cocktail night. I’m mentally trying to compile my fictional five…

          • I can’t do the fictional one. I’m paralyzed. I’ve only committed to Sir Lancelot, who was my first book love because of his asymmetric face.

          • I can only think of one so far and…no one would know who he was.
            I’m having trouble because a lot of fictional characters are in films/shows I watch now so I can’t separate the reading of them from them on-screen.

          • Yes! This is problematic! I don’t actually like novel Mr. Darcy all that much, but for Mr. Darcy in the movie version with Keira Knightly, I swoon.

          • Well the Jane Austen list would just be a list all it’s own!!!

            1 )I’m a Colin Firth Mr. Darcy fan, personally.
            2) OOH OOH–I shouldn’t like Willoughby…book or movie…but I kind of do. (Sense)
            3) And book Colonel Brandon even though I do like Alan Rickman (Sense)
            4) Henry Tilney (Northanger Abbey)
            5) Mr. Knightley (Emma)

          • It’s SO much fun. Not in the way you’d expect it to be, but I really liked it. Enjoy! (I recommend watching with a cup of tea and a scone.)

          • I’m fresh out of scones, but I definitely have tea!

            Also, I’d apologize for catching up on all the blog posts I’ve missed for the past three months…but…I’m not one bit sorry.

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